We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
