cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
