Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
