He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize