Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
