i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
