I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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