Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
