Taylor Swift is so right about you.
oh god the rape fog is back!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
