Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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