My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
