we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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