2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Randomize
