i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Randomize
