Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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