:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
