Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
