Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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