If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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