At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
