I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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