Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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