Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's shark week go big or go home
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
