In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
