I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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