I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
