I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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