im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
