and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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