you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
