First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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