You smell like stripper and shame
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
