Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
