Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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