I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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