i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
