so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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