Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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