After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Im part way to drunk.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
