I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
