i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Naked Twister starts at high noon
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
