Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
