i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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