i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
