My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
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