It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
