i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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