I'm eating all of the evidence.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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