Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
