Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
