I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Apparently you make a good broom.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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