worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
