so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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